Fantasy, Control, and the "Heart of Birthing From Within"

by Pam England

Mothers giving birth in hospitals today have a wide variety of experiences. Some have the experience they hoped for. Others are surprised by how labor unfolds, by how many decisions they had to make, or by how many interventions were offered or used.

When the mother believes the interventions are supportive and necessary, she often feels more accepting of them, during and after labor. Even so, she may wish they weren't necessary. She may regret that her labor was not what she hoped it would be. She likely won't  have only one feeling about her birth experience; it is quite common to have two or three emotional responses, because the experience is big and it takes a while to integrate.  

When a mother is not sure that the interventions are necessary, she may feel they were not “supportive.” There will be more conflict, doubt, and remorse--both during birth, as well as afterwards. There is a dilemma that women in our culture face when hoping for one kind of birth and being faced with something different in reality. For some women, having lots of interventions is really overwhelming. Sometimes medical interventions are distracting and unwanted. When the image of giving birth (our fantasy) excludes interventions, then, if medical support is used, she may believe she did not give birth--or did not do it “right.”

The mind works in a particular way in response to missed expectations, attachment to fantasy, and unrealistic hopes: the mind heads right into disappointment, anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, or depression. When women believe they did not birth well (i.e., how they imagined or hoped), they may blame themselves for not doing more, for not knowing more, because it is so hard for humans to allow that life happens without our input.

We think we have control over our lives, because that gives us a sense of power. Birth plans, rigid expectations, and blind hope are ways that we seek to control birth. However, the truth is that however hard we plan or hope, we cannot, through the power of our minds or the power of surrender, single-handedly CREATE the birth we want. We may have influence, but not absolute control. If birth doesn’t help us learn this, then parenting certainly will!

Compassion for ourselves and for other mothers, flexibility in our plans, and awareness of our own motivations, beliefs, fears, and inner voices are some ways to work with our desire for control in birth. This is the heart of “birthing from within.”
 
Copyright 2010 Birthing From Within LLC. May not be reproduced without prior written permission. Published here at California Birthin' with permission.

Getting Down and Dirty

GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY from Birthing From Within, by Pam England

Soldiers are trained to give everything in battle. They expect to return from war grimy, sweaty, disheveled, and sometimes bloods; it's their badge of honor. Likewise, a gutsy football or baseball player who ends the game wearing a uniform caked mud is perceived as having given his all. Some cultures (not ours) honor women in the same way when they return from battling in the trenches of labor.

Wouldn't it be great if childbirth teachers and health profession's instilled that same tough mindset in mothers and fathers? Rather than promoting the reassuring, but unlikely, illusion being comfortable and relaxed comfortable and relaxed in labor, teachers should help mothers and fathers muster the courage and determination to get through it. That's why Birthing From Within works at helping couples prepare to face the rigors of "battling with nature," fleeing the battle field when the going gets tough. Here's how we help do it:
First, we help mothers experience themselves as part a larger whole, a link in the chain of mothers throughout time. we do this using exercises described in Chapter 4.
Second, we explain that to give birth with power, without drugs, means having to to the edge, and beyond. and beyond.

Third, we point out that the hospital "battle field," in
striving to be sterile and clean, inadvertently sends a confusing message to women giving birth. Birth-warriors don't stay clean, together made-up, and poised (see sidebar pg 128).
Finally, mothers must make a heart-felt commitment: birth normally, but to give it their all, moment-by-moment. Once they've done that, to then to be okay with whatever happens.

Get all the Down and Dirty (also fun and practical) info you'll need to give birth in awareness with a Birthing From Within Class:

www.blossombirth.org
www.harmonybirth.com
www.californiamidwifery.com

Birth of a Midwife

The first human birth I attended was in 1981. I was nine months pregnant, planning to give birth in the free-standing birth center, The Birth Place, in Menlo Park, CA. I had recently made friends with a woman in my Bradley childbirth classes. She and her husband were planning to find temporary quarters during her due date window because they didn't want to expose their growing baby to the aerial spraying of malathion that was going on at the time.

There wasn't any spraying going on in our city, so my husband and I invited them to stay with us for a couple of weeks. During that time, she went into labor and left our home one night around midnight to head over to the birth center. I lay awake in bed excited and talking to my husband. He suggested I call her ask if I could come help out or be present for the labor/birth. Wow, I did, and she said yes she'd be honored if I came. I'll never forget the thrill of the honor.

It was a transformative experience for all of us, one that ultimate called me to the profession of midwifery. I still feel so utterly fortunate that my first exposure to birth was midwife attended, woman-centered, peaceful, fierce, and moving.

My friend expressed later that my words were appropriate in every moment, she'll never forget the warmth and energy of my hand on her shoulder. And in a moment when she felt lost and unsure, I spoke up in my youth and innocence and asked her if there was something she was afraid of . . . and bringing this awareness to the moment apparently helped her move through the next piece, pushing her baby out and into her arms.

Her little one was born just before sunrise on my birthday in 1981.

Service Area for planned homebirth

California Midwifery Service, Service Area:

San Mateo County including: Millbrae, Burlingame, Colma, Daly City, Hillsborough, San Bruno, San Mateo, San Carlos, Belmont, Foster City, Redwood City, Atherton, Portola Valley, Woodside, Menlo Park, East Palo Alto and unincorporated county areas

Santa Clara County including: Palo Alto, Los Altos, Los Altos Hills, Sunnyvale, Santa Clara, San Jose, Saratoga, Cupertino, Los Gatos, Campbell, and Milpitas

South Alameda County including: Fremont, Hayward, Newark and Union City

Village Prenatal begins October 16, 2010, Menlo Park

I'm very excited to announce we'll be starting Village Prenatal, October 16, 2010

Benefits of this program to our clients:

• Group learning and connection with other women/couples planning homebirth
• Convenience of Saturday morning sessions on a known schedule
• All-in-one, prenatal midwifery care and parenting/birth preparation

For more information, expectant parents may join us for information open-house on the following dates (rsvp to Rosanna):

• July 24, 10am-noon
• August 21, 10am-noon
• September 18, 10am-noon

More details: Every three weeks on Saturday morning, pregnant women/couples will gather to receive their prenatal assessments (privately with midwife), and then for group learning, connection and socializing.

Steps in the process and structure of the care:

• Initial private appointment with midwife for complete health history, physical exam, coordination of care, and facilitation of prenatal labs/screening (as appropriate)
• Join group prenatals every three weeks until 34-36 weeks
• at 36 weeks a homevisit from midwife for late pregnancy plans to labor/birth at home
• 37-42 weeks until delivery, additional private prenatals so that you're seeing your midwife weekly
• The birth!
• Usual postpartum homevisits and baby care, from your midwife
• Two to four postpartum group session during the 4-12 week postpartum period

Privacy is of utmost importance. Each session we will all be reminded that all discussions in group will remain private, not to be discussed beyond and outside of session.

The care still allows plenty of one-on-one time with your midwife. It simply adds to the potential depth and richness of the prenatal experience by fostering community and connection that comes from people gathering in groups.

For those that are not available for Saturday "group prenatal" or don't desire this type of care, the option still remains for regular private sessions: monthly visits from 6 weeks-28 weeks, every two weeks from 28-36 weeks, weekly from 37 weeks to delivery.

Group Prenatals

27 years ago when I was pregnant with my second child, I received midwifery care for a planned homebirth from June Whitson. June was working with Nancy Barnett at the time and the structure of the care was a group prenatal experience.

Pregnant women gathered every couple of weeks at the education room of the local free-standing childbirth resource center, The Birth Place. Each woman in their turn would see the midwife individually, have the usual assessments done, then return to the group for socializing and support.

What the experience gave me was a sense of community and normalcy. That I had common concerns and experiences with the other women. Especially important to my sense of well-being was being with other women planning homebirth and receiving midwifery care in a time and culture where it was not commonplace.

When I quit my career as an engineer in 2001 to return to school to study midwifery, I ultimately wanted to recreate the rich experience of group prenatals for my own clients.

And we are ready to launch, with a compilation of Birthing From Within style education and Centering Pregnancy, California Midwifery Service starts offering Village Prenatal Care. Start date, soon to be announced.

Centering Pregnancy is a robust model of group prenatal that takes all the best qualities of midwifery care and gathering in groups, facilitated by the care-provider (doctor, nurse or midwife) for larger institutions with the goal of replacing 15 minute individual appointments. Centering Pregnancy.

Birthing From Within is holistic parenting preparation that is honest with parents, considers cultural influences on birth, expands parents expectations, helps parents understand locus of control, and uses multi-sensory learning.

The goal of the offering is to further bring a sense of community, empowered experience, and enhance women and couples sense of well-being. All this serves in an indirect (nevertheless powerful) way, as well, to improve outcomes for birth and breastfeeding, and reduce risk of postpartum depression.

Check back here or our website for details.